For those of you who personally know me and are reading this, then yes, it has been a while. It’s been a long while actually. There’s really no need to point that out the next time you see me.

I don’t think this healthy fascination with kissing makes me strange, especially since there are a lot of couples on this campus who also seem to enjoy this fine art. They make no attempt to hide this from the rest of us with their corner flings and ped mall sessions. And since it falls into the category of public domain, I’d like to comment towards them with one simple word that could make life better for us all:

Stop it.

Two words you say? Glad you stopped making out to count.

This disease called PDA has spread like a cancer across this campus. It has left no safe place for normal folks like you and me and is even jeopardizing our food supply.

I like to eat in the cafeteria. It may not be as classy as some other places (e.g.: Waffle House, Captain D’s, 7-11, etc.) but at the very least it provides a break for social interaction in the middle of a stressful day.

I never get more depressed (aside from when I wrote the first few sentences of this article) than when I sit down with my freshly made Italian pie to witness somewhat of a circus sideshow a few tables over. There are few things more disturbing than two people who can’t seem to put enough space between them at a dinner table for Jesus. For His sake, man, she’s trying to eat!

And so I leave the cafeteria, happy to escape the circus, only to find, to my dismay, that the situation is no better outside than it was inside. There’s a couple dancing to music nobody else hears on the sidewalk, and all I can think is that I wish I had a bat and some duct tape (not sure what the duct tape is for, but I am willing to take suggestions).

The point is this: Have some decency for the rest of us who aren’t given to looking as grossly entangled in public as you do. Enough is enough…and that came about two entanglements ago.

On a happier note, you wouldn’t believe the number of times people have come to me since I’ve started writing this column to receive relationship advice (it’s somewhere between zero and one). Now I want to give you, the faithful reader, an opportunity to be a part of something as magical as this has become. That being said, e-mail me any questions you’d like answered or relationship topics you’d like to see dealt with in this column to thefavoroflove@yahoo.com, I’ll pick the best of the best and you might see them answered, honestly and off-the-cuff, here in two weeks!