It has been said that women are like fine china. I prefer the more romantic approach to women being more like the bloom on fruit, inspired by the words of Henry David Thoreau. Delicate handling is a required.

Every guy should realize when he is selected as a “rant escape route” by a member of the opposite sex, there is no backing down. You have been chosen. Natural selection has found its victim. Time to close off distractions and focus 150 percent on your newly oppressed companion.

To all you guys out there, it’s important to note all ego and sarcasm must go.

Why? Because within minutes, you’ll encounter the toughest mountain of all - the insurmountable combination of receptive vagueness and perhaps the ultimate knock on male psyche: helplessness.

A woman doesn’t need a man to go “Dr. Phil” on them so much. Women need men who can commit to listen. Women need you to look into their eyes and tell them everything will be all right, even though you feel like it’s Dec. 26, 2004, and you’re standing on the beaches of Kata Noi Beach, Thailand.

Now the most natural response during this stage is trying to solve the mystery of the “issue” - hoping to crack codes so you may eventually lead your dismayed damsel down a path to some form of breakthrough.

Well, congratulations! You’ve now entered the outer gates of my dilemma. Again, don’t stress! It’s treatable. It’s entirely fixable.

First, channel all your attention on the listening component. Depending on how dire the circumstances, she made need you to rescue her at some point; however, chances are you’re not at a position to do it just yet. Quench the desire to “Robin Hood” her. Certain signs do exist concerning how to woo her from present onslaught. Still, you need to know theses signs before executing some radical “Ethan Hunt” maneuver.

Second, deflect her biting remarks. Guys, you must not absorb 100 percent of her verbosity. Part of every woman’s claptrapping involves phrases linked to the idea that we have no idea how she feels. Sure, a few diamonds of truth can be found at the core of this notion, but is it so necessary a woman must derail a man’s confidence in her attempt to surface her head above the waters?

If your tongue is safe-guarded and yet you find yourself on the receiving end of insult, politely bombast her back and get the heck out of there. Actually, upon second though, don’t do this. But seriously, be what every woman wants you to be: a man!

A wise man once told me at lunch last year: take it for what’s it worth! I leave my argument at that.